Normally, an invitation to the old mansion was responded to with a scoff and burning. Today, however, Dennis seemed oddly open to the idea this time.
“Well, let’s see…Pool party which will likely involve alcohol and nudity, check. Drunken idiot relatives, as well as a possibility to see the alcoholic ex-wife, check. The very high chance no lessons were learned from last time?”
Dennis looked over the invitation that was handed to him, and sniffed it as if trying to detect a hint of alcohol. “Well, I’ll have to think about it.”
This was clearly not what his daughter wanted to hear, judging from her sudden change in composure.
“Come on, Dad! Everyone else is going! I don’t want to be laughed at in school because I couldn’t go to a party my own grandparents threw.”
“I’m still not convinced.” Dennis looked over to the two younger men watching The Almighty Johnsons in their underwear. “Mister Rotter, can you tell me three signs the times are changing?”
Sinbad ceased scratching himself and looked away from the new TV screen.
“Uhhh…E-cigs, Kid Rock’s a grandpa, and Toy Story 4 is planned for 2017.”
His quick answers stunned the patriarch. “Really?” He then looked over to his daughter. “Well, all right.”
The party was already brimming by the time the group arrived. Dennis and the others were surprised (and in Sinbad’s case for some reason, relieved) at the lack of children running around.
“Now here I thought this was a family-friendly shindig. Unless Bill scared them all off. Now let’s go find a changing room. And by changing room, I mean any room that doesn’t contain naked idiots.
Lolly ignored her father’s advice, and instead pulled off her dress to show she’d already put on her bathing suit before leaving the house.
Dennis sighed, and then turned to look at Shark and Sinbad. “Well, I hope the two of you at least remembered to bring what was needed.”
“Sure did, Dad!” Shark pulled out a pair of run-of-the-mill swimtrunks he’d bought last week. Sinbad’s ensemble was less than modest. This didn’t go unnoticed by the others.
“Um, Mister Rotter, where on earth did you find that…spectacle of fashion?”
Sinbad shrugged. “Consignment store Bargain Bin. It’s where I bought those shirts that Shark likes to wear.”
Shark looked over at him in a bewildered way. “That’s where you got me that oversized Uncle Grandpa shirt?”
“Yup. Either that, or maternity dresses. Seriously, man,” Sinbad gestured to the slightly oversized bulk that was his boyfriend, “how did that happen?”
The party was surprisingly well-behaved. Lolly had none of her peers to talk to, so she instead wandered around aimlessly.
Her father and older brother settled for sitting on the edge of the pool, waiting for Sinbad to come outside.
What they were talking about was not something a father and son would normally talk about.
“So refresh my memory, boy,” Dennis muttered as he scratched his head, “exactly how well-endowed is Mister Rotter in that area?”
“Uh…” Shark began blushing, not wanting to disclose that sort of information to his own father. “He’s…Well, he’s a little above average in length. He’s also kind of thick, and…” The brunet couldn’t finish. He instead began sliding down into the pool, extremely embarrassed. “Dad…”
“Merely checking, boy. I assumed if anyone knew about Mister Rotter’s genitalia, it would be you.”
Shark groaned, knowing Dennis was right. “To answer your actual question, I don’t think what he picked out is going to fit properly.”
Looking up at who just came through the glass door, Shark sighed. “And it looks like I’m right.”
Sinbad grinned at the rest of the flabbergasted partygoers. He clearly held no shame in showing off. Shark stared in awe and shock, while Dennis uttered a strangely indifferent “Huh.”
The two men watched as the redhead wandered down and looked at some of the pool’s implements.
“Dude, your grandparents finally got a diving board!” Sinbad made his way towards said board, making his intent known.
Dennis got to his feet. “Well, I’m gonna go inside and get a beer before he makes an ass of himself.” He called Lolly over and brought her with him.
Shark was left at the pool, watching as his boyfriend made an attempt to look graceful before diving. The before and during was not too bad; Sinbad actually made it look professional.
It was when he got back out of the water that frightened some people.
“Um, Sinbad? When you put your suit on, did you make sure it was on good enough?”
“Not really. I was in a rush. Why?” Shark pointed, drawing attention to Sinbad’s lack of already skimpy attire. “Oh. Hello there.”
Shark diverted his attention towards where his father was. “Dad! Get a towel! There’s been a malfunction!”
Dennis called back. “Whose was it?!”
“Take a guess!”
Sinbad grumbled to himself as he went in search of a replacement suit. Dennis was kind enough to tell him where all the bedrooms are.
He certainly didn’t appreciate having to wear a towel. Sinbad didn’t know why he couldn’t just walk around naked. It wasn’t like he was scarring any kids for life.
Getting to the last room, Sinbad could hear noises and laughing. Rolling his eyes and smirking, the redhead peeked in.
The smirk quickly vanished when he got a better look at who was in bed with who. Then he just wanted to puke. Sinbad quickly stepped back, then skittered.
“Sinbad!” Shark showed up at the bottom of the flight of stairs, displeased at his boyfriend’s persistent shamelessness. “Now what’s wrong?”
“No time to explain. Couldn’t find anything. Saw something nauseating. Tell you later.”
When the two got back home (after a hasty explanation to Dennis), Shark remained curious as to what exactly had Sinbad so disgusted.
“Okay, man. Let me ask you. The whole time we were there, did you see your grandpa at all?”
Shark shook his head. “Not at all. Why?”
The redhead was not entirely certain how to explain it. “Promise me you ain’t gonna tell the boss?”
Sinbad leaned back onto the couch. “I went to go look for something to cover my junk, like you told me. Looked in all the bedrooms, couldn’t find anything good.” The brunet listened patiently for the gruesome details.
“Get to the last bedroom, yeah? Well, I found your grandpa going at it with someone not your grandma.”
Shark became horrorstruck. “Was he with someone a third of his age?”
Now the younger man was confused. “What could be worse than that?”
“Leads me to my next question: Did you see your mom at all? You understand why I have to ask you that?” All the color seemed to drain from Shark’s face, but he nodded. Sinbad reached out and cupped his boyfriend’s face.
“Are you telling me…?”
“Dude. Yeah. Your grandpa was doing your mom.” Those words left Shark oddly silent. He then got up, and quietly walked into the bathroom.
A few seconds later, Sinbad heard vomiting noises.
“My thoughts exactly, man.”